(Editor’s note: Don’t you love how things that have always happened, since the beginning of time, suddenly get a name- like they are completely new issues/concepts? When I was younger, behavior like this was simple- the person was an a#$ and heartbreaker. You just told your friends and moved on!)
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First, there was ghosting (when someone suddenly cuts all ties and communication with the person they were dating), then there was benching (keeping someone at your disposal but avoiding commitment in case you meet someone better) and now we have “love bombing:”
“…a seductive tactic, where a manipulative person tries to control another individual with ‘bombs,’ brimming from day one.
According to psychiatrist Dale Archer, typically it will occur in whirlwind romances where one partner will try to influence a person with affection, attention, presents, and promises about the future.
Things progress quickly and the rush of a new romance can often be powerful for victims, pushing aside any feelings of doubt and causing high levels of infatuation.”1
This fast and intense attention doesn’t allow the “victim” to know whether they are being manipulated or if the other person is actually being genuine. In fact, rather quickly the victim becomes “co-dependent on the predator, who is often a narcissist or sociopath.”2 However, once the victim shows even a hint of not prioritizing the relationship, the predator usually reveals their true self.
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Archer says, “If extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely if actions match words, and there is no devaluation phase, then it’s probably not love bombing.” He goes on to say, “…if there’s an abrupt shift in the type of attention, from affectionate and loving to controlling and angry, with the pursuing partner making unreasonable demands, that’s a red flag.”3
Manipulation and exploitation are never hallmarks of a healthy relationship. Ever.
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The bottom line? Relationships take time and trust to grow. And the healthiest ones grow slowly. If someone is attempting to monopolize your life and keep you from your friends and family, if they routinely run hot and cold, if they are arrogant and lack empathy- move on.
